That’s all I can say about the events. This whole soap opera began two Wednesdays ago when I caught myself doing something I hadn’t done in a few years. I was on my way to a coffee shop specifically to see SK! So I had a crush, and I was actively pursuing.
Not unexpected I’ve read and heard several MGTOW talk about how after they became MGTOW and got completely comfortable and OK with that fact that women just started appearing out of the blue. Even though there were in some cases better looking, more qualified men around. Or even in SK’s case, she was already seeing someone else!
It’s not like women have some built in loyalty to their boyfriends either. I have personal experience with this and being the other guy does suck. That fact all by itself should’ve been enough to end any continued association right there. I didn’t end it right there; I kept going to this coffee shop. After all, I had been going to this place long before she was ever working there and I’ve been going there for before for reasons that had nothing at all to do with her. My refusal to live in a box and go so far as some men have done and reduce my interactions with women to nearly zero wasn’t an option for me. While I respect the fact that it might be OK with you, keep in mind that everyone’s life is different.
I had to process this situation and come to a solution. I also had to let people around me know what was going on and get feedback.
The first question that came up was “Is she interested in you?”
Good question because if this had all just been in my head, then I could’ve just decided not to feed that wolf any longer and resume my normal routine. Simply stop feeding the wolf so to speak.
There were more than a few opportunities to use my old PUA skills to determine if there was interest. I was hoping that this was all in my head. All I can say is that after a couple of days of testing the IOI’s were legitimate and that this was the real deal.
OK, so now I had to move on to the next question. Which was, do I follow up and actively pursue SK or not? The answer to this was blatantly obvious of course not! But not because of some slavish devotion to the principle of MGTOW. I’m a firm believer in the concept and choice for a man to become MGTOW and for that same man to leave MGTOW if he chooses to. I’m also keenly aware of the risks involved in a choice to leave MGTOW. A man choosing not to be MGTOW any longer isn’t any less of a person. But of such a man just blindly goes running back in without taking the lessons he’s learned from his time as MGTOW then that man is truly a fool.
In my case, it was an easy choice to make. I’m spread out pretty thin right now, adding a relationship with a woman that’s already seeing another guy right now isn’t a good idea. That got brought home to me in a big way yesterday when I went back to this coffee shop. Ironically enough I went there in the morning because I knew that SK doesn’t work the day shift, and she wasn’t going to be there. Except this time she was there! I’ve done blogs, personal work and all other sorts of various activities with her in the shop in the past. This time, though I couldn’t focus on what I needed to do.
Luckily for me, there’s a regular AA meeting house two blocks from this coffee shop. So I just said, “Fuck this shit, I’m going to a meeting to deal with this.” Got to the meeting, shared got it off my chest felt a whole lot lighter. And took the lesson of the need to be more inclusive in my life with me, then went to have lunch.
It was while I was eating my lunch that I had the epiphany! Walking away was a solution to the problem of SK, but it wasn’t going to be a permanent solution! It was just more of me kicking the can down the road, which was why I needed to do such an extensive inventory in the first place. So not going back to that coffee shop is a temporary solution to a permanent problem. And I had to also call myself out the fact that I went to that particular coffee shop. There are Seven other places like this one within two blocks of this location. I could’ve gone to them got done what I wanted to get done and then moved on with the rest of my day. In short, I had to own up to my personal actions, and I also had to admit that unless I applied a more permanent solution to this problem, I would repeat it over and over again. I then found it somewhat Ironic that an Athiest would ram his middle finger straight up in the air and scream out “Fuck You!”
It felt a little better after I did that.This is the whole Karmic lessons issue dropped on my lap. I need to learn the lesson that I have an obligation to myself. I’m at a critical point in my life, and SK will not provide any solution to this issue at this time. My feelings about SK were making my life unmanageable
SK will not provide any solution to this issue at this time. I was pretty upset about this because I’m sick and tired of playing this song and dance now. I didn’t enjoy it in my twenties or thirties, and I hate it even more now. I had to do something different this time! But I wasn’t sure what that different thing was going to be. Not going into the coffee shop wasn’t the permanent solution going in there was also out of the question as well. It was likely only a matter of time before I did something stupid and desperate. Leaving for a while and then coming back would also not be a solution because the feelings would still be there. And this whole issue was taking up space in my head and distracting me from some much more pressing issues in my life.
So I went to another meeting, the topic of that 12 step meeting was step one.
I applied the principles I learned there to the problem while I was still at the meeting.
Step 1- I’m powerless over this issue, and it’s making my life unmanageable.
Step 2- Am I willing to let a higher power restore me to sanity over SK? The big question when it comes to an atheist. What I did here was pop the question “What do I do to restore sanity to this?”
Step 3- Was I willing to let the universe provide me with an answer if I was open to it.
Step 4- Quick inventory what caused the problem, what was my problem in it? What had I done wrong AND what had I done right.
Step 5- Admitted that this was an issue to myself, to the universe and another human being. Which I did during the meeting when I shared on this topic again.
And the solution was to leave the coffee shop for a period until things settle down and stabilize in my life. But not just that I had to clear the air with SK before I made it official. So I headed down there again, hoping that she wasn’t going to be there, but she was.
I pulled her aside first chance I got and said this to her
“I have to leave this place for a while? I like you a lot, but I have to work on myself right now.”
I then turned around and walked out of the coffee shop!
Now was this all in my head? No, it wasn’t
Did I hurt her feelings? Don’t know but I’ll find out
What’s going to be her reaction? I don’t know that either
Does it even matter? No, I lose one coffee shop for a few weeks while I sort things out.
There won’t be any more nonchalant pretending anymore when we see each other again, and we will see each other again. I pass that shop three or four times a day sometimes a bus stop is right in front of the coffee shop too.
What it comes down to though is this. I can’t make the wheels of government move any faster. I can do some things to make my film career move faster, but there’s a factor of luck that plays into it. There was something I could do about this issue, and I did it. It’s only been eleven hours since it happened, so I don’t know what the consequences are, but I’ll live with them.
I didn’t repeat the same mistake over again. I didn’t lie or cheat like Sisko had to in this video, but I can live with this with a clear conscience