A continuation of an ongoing event that I talked about in Decisions, Decisions
It’s been a long time since any woman has been able to rent space in my the way SK has been able to do recently. That’s not to say that there haven’t been women that have come around and gone. I can confirm that there have been a few that have been able to come in and rent time and space in my brain. This one is different though when I say that I don’t mean she’s a unicorn female because I honestly have no idea if she is or not.
I do know this she’s able to maintain a good front. This is cause for concern not hope in this case because the women that I grew up with were also able to keep up that happy front, peel away the layers though you saw them for the self-centered, narcissistic people that they are.
If you read the previous blog, I posted up a link to another blog I did where I wrote about how even if you’re MGTOW and intend on staying MGTOW you will still have to take your male biology into consideration at all times. With the advantage of hindsight though I can see what happened pretty easily. I’m in the middle of a period of serious change. Every area in my life is currently under review as to whether it works or is changing because of events in my life at this moment. I’m spread pretty thin and while I’ve been holding up pretty well so far. That is unless you count the screaming expletive deleted rant I did at the University LRT station two ago when I lost my bus pass. A woman like this would’ve been easily dealt with six months ago. In fact, she was being held in check with ease six months ago. But like an event in 2001, she was able to slide in under the radar because I simply wasn’t as vigilant as I normally would’ve been. That event in 2001 ended very badly for me that woman turned out to be 9.5 crazy and should’ve never been allowed to even approach me, much less be tolerated. Unfortunately, she was also damn near a ten on the hot scale.
This one doesn’t appear to be either that crazy or that hot (I’d give her an 8 or 9 on the hotness scale). Bottom line, this time, is that I caught myself heading to where she worked after I was done with my film group last Wednesday. I immediately decided that it would be best to go to the local Starbucks across the street rather than into local coffee shop. And while I was busy meditating away the now screaming monkey in my head that was demanding I head across the street forthwith. I then also had to deal with some strange dude who NEVER stops staring at me whenever I go into that Starbucks at night. I left the store, went home, did some more meditating and asked the question.
“SK is in my head what should I do?”
The MGTOW in me immediately said, “Fuck her, stop going to that coffee shop.” That’s an easy thing to say when you don’t conduct some business there, which I do. I have toned down the number of times I go in there. Not going there isn’t an option at least in the short term.
OK then redefine where I stand with her and what I do. That meant going to meetings and talking to people in my support group and get feedback. I’m currently in the process of doing that, thus far the answer I’m receiving is that I’m stretched out at the moment. Doing anything other than say a quick romp in the sack isn’t a good idea. Knowing this though didn’t prevent SK from renting out a massive space in my head and keep me up all night like it did tonight. I finally had to suck it up put on a jacket and boots and go for a long walk outside to settle myself down.
And you know what? I’m glad I did. During this late night walk in the winter air, I was able to clear my head and get grounded. I was able to get more answers as to why SK has been taking up space in my brain and what it meant in the big picture. I asked myself a couple of questions.
- What does SK mean to you at this moment? SEX that’s it! Part of the reason she was able to slide in is because I need a distraction from dealing with some heavy matters at the moment.
- What would happen if you got involved with SK? Besides getting laid? Well among other things she has a boyfriend (Yeah no shit girls this hot usually do) I know from personal experience that even women head over heels in love with their man will still sleep with another guy if the situation is right. And she’s not head over heels for the guy she’s with because I’ve seen them together before. There would be a lot of clandestine crap going on, not that I haven’t done that before, but it’s a serious pain in the ass long term and never ends well. At least, it hasn’t for me anyway
- Does her approval mean anything to you? That’s a joke right? No in all honesty when I’m able to step back and take a look it doesn’t! Didn’t become MGTOW by accident either. I know all about the psychological play on approval that women use on men.
- Will SK’s disapproval change anything? FUCK NO! I’ll have to stop going to ONE whole coffee shop. Granted I like their coffee, and they have good ambience in that place. Other than that though nothing will change. The howling asshole monkey will whine and whimper for a little while. But I’ll get over it pretty easily.
So in effect, my discipline was waxing because of events and what would normally have been a hot (but not super hot) girl was able to get through when she normally wouldn’t have. I’ve got a lot to deal with right now, and the last thing I need is another complication. Yeah, if SK was wearing the right clothes she would cause a multi-vehicular pileup. But I do need to focus on what’s important in my life. Which I ended up telling myself as walked home this morning feeling much lighter.
Not going to say that nothing is going to happen here because it might. But if it does it sure as fuck won’t be a relationship. And it isn’t going to happen anytime soon. SK is currently not renting so much space in my head because I’ve acknowledged the problem here and since I’m not about to turn into a hermit. So maybe there will be some action out of this or maybe not. She isn’t the first woman with a boyfriend that I’ve been with, but I’m not going to rush this. I have no idea what this woman is like and more importantly, I’ve got more personally important issues to deal with at the moment. I also have to forgive myself for not being diligent enough on this matter. Under normal circumstances that wouldn’t have happened
I’ll keep you posted as the lessons continue.
PS: In case anyone asks? Yes the attraction is mutual, there have been enough IOI’s to confirm this (IOI by the way is a PUA term short for Indictor of Interest) I’m giving away my PUA status from 7-8 years ago by saying that