My Transformation into an MRA/MGTOW

Hi I’m Neroke and I’m a Men’s Rights Activist/MGTOW

This site Red Pill Nation will certainly mention a lot about this it will also include other things in fact there are many different masks that I wear I’m an Artist, I’ve been in recovery for damn near 30 years clean and sober. I’ve worked in several different fields in my life and of all of them the ones that were artistically inclined were the ones that motivated me the most. But over the last couple of years the thing that’s been the single strongest motivator for me has been my Men’s Rights Activism.

I can tell you this about me there wasn’t one thing that caused me to decide to become something that could possibly end up coming back and biting me in the ass and in fact even at the level I’m it’s been held against me on more than one occasion. The artistic field I’m in is extremely public and at some point I’m going to likely take a serious hit. I’m deciding to go ahead and stay in this anyway. Simply put there’s a disease that’s infected the left, I myself was also infected with this disease mostly due to the fact that for a good portion of my adult life I didn’t know any differently and wasn’t ever encouraged to go looking for answers either. This I suspect has a lot to do with my mother and two sisters all three of them having to one degree of Narcissistic Personality Disorder they used me to help project an image and only sought help for me almost 30 years when my situation simply became too embarrassing socially for them. Otherwise, I might still be that good little boy with a weird personality in effect the black sheep of the family. I am STILL that Black Sheep and I always will be, but today I celebrate and embrace that identity and the surprising amount of freedom of thought and action that it’s given me.

This factor cannot be underscored in my identity today. My father died when I was very young, I have only 1 memory of him sitting a table, quite possibly drunk because he was drinking at the time. I do remember him feeling very sad. I found out later from my brother that this was exactly what he was the last few months of his life. The description I got from my mom about him was far from flattering I was very young so naturally I accepted this as fact. Today I see him as the fun, talented but tragically flawed man that he was. My life would likely be very different had he remained alive. But he didn’t and descriptions from my mom were far from flattering. I can and do remember my mom and her friends lamenting constantly about how men were this or that. I being the good little boy swore that I would never be a man like that, and I was for the better part of my adult life. These were the fields where my seed was sown and anything that happened back then wasn’t questioned I didn’t learn to start questioning until I became a lot older

This isn’t about them though yes they were the seed planters they were not the ones that cultivated the crop though. I remember hearing about Women’s Liberation I also remember the female members of my family commenting on how damn ugly they looked. This though seemed to be OK because at this time it was only a few years into the 70’s. The major gains that particular wave of feminism had gained were still very fresh and recent, so it all seemed like a good thing at the time and back then before Feminism turned into the ugly misandric organization they are today it probably was.

First time I suspected that something was wrong was when my older brother got divorced, almost immediately there were constant financial and emotional that my former sister in law would do to my brother that I would hear about. The attitude from my mom though was that my brother (Another guy that was at the time an active alcoholic and far from a perfect guy himself) was getting what he deserved. I didn’t understand what went wrong nor did I understand why they split up I can tell you I do know now! But this wasn’t the only issue going on at the time.

I was in elementary school we had a teacher in grade 6 that among other things would read us the Bible for a while every morning and also would go into the plight of women in society on more than one occasion. I never questioned this because well I didn’t know any better. but this has now become a hmmm moment for me. While I don’t think she had an agenda the fact that I remember her so clearly about this issue in hindsight suggests something

The first real problem came when my then ex sister in law put my two nephews up for adoption and tried to do it without telling my brother. One of the ex-sister in-laws family grew a conscience though and told my brother who took his sons into his care. They then went to court and he tried to gain custody and despite the fact that the mother had attempted to put the two of them up for adoption she was given custody anyway. That wasn’t the worst part though, the absolute worst part was having to turn the two over to the mom in the middle of the family reunion. I wasn’t there for the exchange, but I was told it quite emotional especially for the older of the two. I’ve never seen my brother cry ever, the closest I’ve ever seen him get there was afterward. I remember quietly saying one thing to myself after I saw him and it’s remained in place to this day

“I’m NEVER EVER having kids ever!” And you know what I haven’t

I remember a few months ago someone posted up at MRA Facebook site to name the first time you remembered suspecting that something was wrong. Despite what happened to my brother that wasn’t it for me. After all, my mom and sisters had said it was his fault right? The first time I remember suspecting that something wasn’t right was in 10th grade. We had a teachers assistant in one class that I can clearly remember saying some stuff about boys that didn’t sound right. I can also remember getting lower grades than the girls from this TA on a consistent and regular basis. At the time it sounded off but well at that time I was far from being a model student and had some issues brewing in my life that would turn out to be far more pressing than gender relations.

Cut forward 3 years by this time I had wrestled with my demon of drug addiction and had found a solution that I continue to apply one day at a time to this day, which is now approaching 30 years. I naturally being the prize student I was in high school ended up doing an extra year of school. This last year was actually quite enjoyable, I was in Vancouver EXPO 86 was going on and I was clean and sober with a clean slate to work with. There was this one teacher though not only was she favoring the female students in her class she was doing it openly even going so far as to do exercises and modules in class that made the boys look stupid and bad. She wasn’t so overt that you could prove it but it’s pretty damn clear in hindsight that this is what she was about.

These two teachers were the first sign that something wasn’t right

But there was also something else going on too though I was active in meetings. I attended several different 12 step groups back then. The main one though there was this group of women, they would go to the meetings and share about the pain and abuse that they had suffered at the hands of men in their family. I saw some of these women heal from their pain, but some of them swam in it. And any male even the ones attending the meeting were targets of anger and hate. This included me I didn’t understand what I could’ve been responsible for to cause this hate to be directed towards me. I do know today and I also know that today with just a few exceptional cases most of these women never healed from their experiences. I see this for the bomb that it’s become now. Which is why I don’t deny that men like this can and do exist, I’ve also seen miraculous turnarounds done by some of these women so I know that the ones that are so angry and hateful today are intentionally choosing to be this way either consciously or unconsciously

When I got to college though that’s when I started seeing things a little differently. I remember this one guy one time coming up to me to discuss my political stance. I was and at least so far have been NDP (A center left party that’s currently the official opposition in Canada) This guy asked me why I was that way, I couldn’t answer him! He pointed out something that planted a seed in me. I supported this party because it was how I was raised I never questioned it, I had no reason to. “Do you always accept what you’re told?” was what I was told that day. I had a teacher in elementary school in grade 7 that had also said something like this but this time it stuck with me. What was also true about me at that time though was that not only did I have the answers I didn’t even know the questions to ask. And in all honesty I was having difficulty just developing life skills. I had to be told for instance that you dumped the cheese mix on the Kraft Dinner after you cooked the Macaroni you didn’t dump it into a pot with the macaroni!

I also remember rampant political correctness happening not just where I was going but all over the place as well. Teachers, Celebrities anyone that said something that could possibly be misconstrued to be racist or sexist in university could find themselves in trouble. I saw this frequently in the 80’s but as the 80’s ended I had a word for it “Political Correctness” and the worst of it appeared to have passed. As the 80’s ended though so did my armchair at a distance lessons ended as well

1990 was the first time I encountered this toxic kind of false harassment stuff in person. I went to work at a resort in Alberta there was this one woman we were sitting down one day had a pleasant discussion and being short on personal skills and not knowing a lot of people when I first got there every time I saw her I’d go out of my way to speak to her. WASN’T interested in her, wasn’t trying to develop any kind of relationship with her. I was short on social graces and immature but that’s it. This didn’t stop her from complaining to my boss and best friend that I was harassing her. At no time did this woman ever say that this was a problem directly to my face. This wouldn’t be the last time it happened to me either it really didn’t matter because she left less than a month later.

Most of the early 90’s was about developing living and working skills. I didn’t try to develop a realtionship with any woman. There were a couple of women back then that in all likelihood might’ve ended up being the one had I not been so immature and insecure. I struck out A LOT though and these rejections stung bad because well there wasn’t another guy there to tell me that this was part of the learning curve for men. I took this as I’m a bad person because…Nobody said otherwise and I didn’t have the language back then to figure it out myself.

Then though came 1993!

I got laid off and headed back to Vancouver from Banff. Went to film school part time but otherwise though I went on an EI holiday. I had plenty of money and plenty of time so I did a lot of goofing off, I also did a surprising amount of reading among the books I found was Noam Chomsky’s manufacturing consent. Being the smart person I’d like to think I was I reserved judgement on what he wrote. But there were also these other men going to 12 step meetings in one of my groups, these men had done something called the Sterling Mens Weekend and quite literally wouldn’t stop talking about it. They didn’t convince me it was something else that happened in 1993 that finally said loud and clear that something was wrong. This was Loreena Bobbit getting away with cutting John Wayne Bobbit’s penis off. Ok in retrospect John Wayne Bobbitt wasn’t very bright and likely in my opinion a selfish asshole. Despite this though I remember seeing these women on TV openly and happily celebrating that Loreena had gotten away with.

These Sterling guys had just one thing to say to me about this “You see where this is going she’s literally going to be able cut your dick off and get away it! This is where society is heading!” That statement stuck with me.

The following year I was back in Banff almost immediately when I got there a woman started accusing me of stalking her. I just blew her off after all the one that had happened a few years earlier all I had to do was not speak to her and it would go away! It didn’t though and I finally had to get help in resolving the issue when I damn near relapsed over this situation and I started getting threatened. Even after she was discredited though she never recanted her story and I always had to make sure not to get caught by myself with her by accident for the remainder of the time I lived there.

But that wasn’t the only one there was one the following year that tried to pull the same thing again didn’t say anything to me and because she worked right on Banff ave she was quite literally accusing me of stalking her simply by walking past where she worked to and from where I worked! This one sent people into my workplace to harass me and even after I sent a message that if I continued to deal with this that I would go to the police she STILL persisted. She did stop after I went to the police I was shocked and stunned that someone could be that thick. But at that time I also felt more than a fair amount of shame about it. After all I was the guy right I must’ve done something wrong? This wasn’t helped by the fact that I was living in a place that was run by feminists. These women by the way were front and center when a group of centerfold models came to town. But well when Chipendales came in…CRICKETS! This hypocrisy was clearly noted by more than a few locals.

It was a woman that triggered me to leave Banff and go to Calgary I was in Calgary for a few months when I woke up one time and realized that I was falling into the same cycle that I’d been in while I was in Banff. I needed to change this so I called my friend from Vancouver and told him I was ready to do the Sterling Mens Weekend

I did this weekend I cannot discuss the details of what happened there I can tell you that I got the solution to the issues I had with the women that I been around growing. I also got a whole lot more though I got to see first hand what can happen to a man that gets married to the wrong woman. I also got to see how bad it got for men that had children with this same wrong woman. I got empowerment out of this group if there’s anything I do keep from that time in Calgary is that you keep looking for solutions and you ask for help when you need it. A lesson that I almost forgot a couple of years later! But luckily I didn’t

It was when I got back to Vancouver in 2000 that’s when I really began to see how far things had gone. There were 12 step meetings happening in Vancouver that were quite literally man slamming meetings. Also every single meeting I went to rationed the sharing based on gender! The rationale behind this was that women weren’t being a proper voice in the meetings. And having been around for a while I kind of agreed. After all back when I started in one particular 12 step group you definitely didn’t go to them to meet women. I know I certainly didn’t what really struck me was that this policy was being enforced even when there was only as little as a handful of women and 90% plus men in the meetings. And well how dare you speak out against it CLEARLY you must hate women to not want this. I saw more than 1 man leave the meetings never to return over this too.  This wasn’t the clincher for me though it was something that happened later that sent me back to Sterling!

You have to understand something here I didn’t and still don’t go to meetings for the intention of meeting women. Nor do I have much respect for people that engage in this kind of activity. But there was this one time when it did happen for me. She was in a recovery facility and like all women in meetings I made a conscious choice to not speak or have anything to do with her. And it worked for about 2 months but finally I got there late and the only seat in the whole meeting was next to her. I sat down next to her and well it was instant attraction! I did my best to not speak to her she didn’t though. Somehow she always managed to find a way to speak me at every single meeting, I did try a couple of times to put some distance between us but well this woman was fucking hot! But that’s not the only thing I had this room mate at the time too. This guy was a world class idiot but he was doing one thing that I wasn’t…He was getting laid and I wasn’t! This message kept playing in my head every day “He’s getting laid you’re not.” The fact that the women he was doing were just as fucked up as he was. I found out that doesn’t mean shit to your ego all it knows is..”He is, you’re not and that’s not right.” I also forgot to share about this at meetings and I wasn’t on a mens team at the time. So I acted out BADLY things went south very quickly between me and this woman in my home group. It was of course complicated by the fact that a certain couple of women that happened before she didn’t tell me that there was problem! She did tell everyone else though and while I did find my way back on to a mens team, it came almost too late. I couldn’t share at meetings anywhere and the people I spoke to about it in the program they all treated me like I was the villain. She never mentioned that I was the one that finally broke it off ever. And there was this one White Knight that kept this thing going long after it had been solved.

It did get me back on a mens team though and except for the first few years in Edmonton when there wasn’t a team here I’ve been on one ever since. This whole incident hung over me like a cloud even after she relapsed. In fact had this event occurred today I would’ve likely considered criminal and/or civil charges against this woman.

This though faded into the background I went to Film School a couple of years later and moved on with my life eventually finding my way to Alberta. I was engaged in the process of becoming a working artist and I wasn’t on team and it didn’t matter or at least it didn’t until I worked on this one feature. One of the actresses was a serious hottie and things happened. Or rather were starting to happen until I found out she was married. When I found out I backed right off, but it was too late. Her aunt was also the Director and I found myself quietly being removed from the movie. Naturally of course none of this was said directly to me I only found out when all the cast and crew refused to speak to me after the fact. It took 6 months for me to find out what happened. I had to a couple of years later deal with this actress personally and say what I needed to say to her.

In 2009 a team started where I was living I immediately joined it and this would again be a saving grace as I had to deal with not one but TWO separate harassment incidents where I worked. I got through them mostly because in the first place I had enough brains to gather evidence and she contradicted herself in the face of this evidence. The second one also kept complaining not just about me but about every second guy that spoke to her and she eventually left the company. The lesson here though was I kept it strictly professional at work. No office romance next time I wouldn’t be so lucky. And the mens team kept me honest about this.

I left that job and went on to something else but then 2013 came along several events came along. First there was Donglegate if you don’t know what this is Adria Richards got fired for getting two guys fired at this convention for making an off color joke. They weren’t even speaking to her but the guys got fired anyway, unlike hundreds maybe thousands of times before Adria faced consequences she got fired! This moment to me was like the day Mike Tyson got knocked out. A woman twisted an event around, got caught and faced consequences! This at least for me sent a message women were not going to get away with doing what they wanted, when they wanted, however they wanted when it came to lying about harassment! Something was in the air but I didn’t know what but there was a site on Facebook that I joined and a flyer posted up for a local mens rights website, I went to both and began listening and reading.

Two other things happened around that time. First of all Atheism+ came into existence. The people tied into this group then began to go to all the other various atheist groups and began preaching a social activist agenda. I didn’t think anything about this at first because well what was the matter with that right? Thing was though that they weren’t being honest about it they were lying! How could this be? These were fellow Atheists you’re supposed to look at the facts objectively, not just accept what was being said by someone just because. When I began to point this out I got yelled at, shamed, called all sorts of names all for simply pointing out some gaps in their logic! Luckily for me I was also hooked into the MRA community albeit as a watcher at this time so I was able to deal with them.

That wasn’t all though Anita Sarkeesian and a group of social justice warriors also began to preach a version of this inside the gamer, comic and RPG community as well. So quite literally I was taking a double whammy. And I also started to engage there as well.

Then we got to the fall of 2013 ABC 20/20 attempted to come out with this hit piece about the Manoshphere. Paul Elam called on the men in the movement to go to the ABC 20/20 site and challenge the people posting up there. I didn’t go to the 20/20 website but I did go to the one on Facebook! I put on the sword officially went to the Facebook page and intentionally engaged in an online fight there. We did well there I guess we won something like 95% of the engagements on Facebook and I heard we also kicked ass at the 20/20 website as well.

An online warrior was born that day and I’ve been engaging ever since! This blog is the next stage in this evolution for me I’ve only been doing this blog for a week and I suspect that I’ve reached and impacted more people in one week than I do in 6 months of fighting battles at web page comments. I’ve gotten really good at that and I was actually getting bored with doing that.

And that is my Transformation into an MRA/MGTOW it wasn’t one thing it was a series of things.


2 thoughts on “My Transformation into an MRA/MGTOW

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